and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
