ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
