Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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