If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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