i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
