where am i from again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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