Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
