I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize