apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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