So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
