somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize