Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
