woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
