dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
