Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
