If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
