she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
