I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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