Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
