I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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