well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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