We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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