i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
