I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
