So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
