You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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