Midget sex pt 2 tonight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
