hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
