Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize