My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
how does that bad decision feel?
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