I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
