I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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