I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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