Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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