My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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