Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
