tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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