9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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