And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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