where am i from again
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
