On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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