I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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