I'm going to jail i love you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my liver is dry heaving
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
