Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
