i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
