I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
