you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
