You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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