I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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