I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
