Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
