I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
