i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
