I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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