I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
