Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
