There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
