She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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