what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
