my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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