dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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