the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
