Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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