hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
