I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
