I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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