the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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