You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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