please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
