I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
