Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
