People with herpes should wear stickers.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
