You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
