I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize