I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
