better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize