OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm getting married
To pizza
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize