theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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