You made me cry and you don't even care
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
