So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
