why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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