Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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