I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
