Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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