why didn't you poke me back
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize