im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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