she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
