So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
