It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
