you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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