who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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