My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
