That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
